


Something Buried

by Velvet_Crowe



Series: Something Begun [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Character Analysis, Developing Relationship, Graphic, Hisoka's Issues, Illumi's Issues, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 22:31:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7863724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velvet_Crowe/pseuds/Velvet_Crowe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Illumi both wants and does not want to be with Hisoka. Because he wants both, Hisoka makes the judgement calls on what he needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Driven Away

**Author's Note:**

> \---I am sorry if you got multiple notifications on this. I edited quite a bit, thought on the surface it will not look like much has changed at all. Please don't worry about reading it twice, unless you have such good memory that you'll notice when I changed a word or sentence structure. I went back and incorporated some of the issues I've been imagining Hisoka to be hiding; they were completely inferred before, but I buried them in between the lines here. (Teehee, see what I did there :) Something buried...)
> 
> Anywho, the major change is in the last chapter at the very end. ---
> 
> This is a sequel to Something Broken. Be forewarned, it may not make sense as a stand alone.
> 
> The first work looked at the Hisoillu relationship from Illumi's perspective. This version looks at it from Hisoka's. The tone is similar, but perhaps with a slight shift. 
> 
> Like the first, there are very graphic scenes and deep psychological problems. Please don't read if these topics are too disturbing for you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi accuses Hisoka of being no different from his clients.

“Illumi, are you sure you want me to do this?”

****

Hisoka watched Illumi’s head nod, his eyes still squeezed closed. “Yes. I am ready. Please put your fingers inside me.”

****

Hisoka ran a hand over the smooth planes of his abdomen, feeling the tension in the quivering muscle. His face rested against Illumi’s inner thigh, feeling the racing pulse in the artery next to the blue teardrop on his cheek. 

****

Hisoka sat back up and looked down at the beautiful doll beneath him. 

****

“You’re not ready for this,” he said shortly, and watched Illumi’s eyes flash open. He imagined he could see the familiar hurt and rejection in them that he knew the other felt, but didn’t know it himself. 

****

If only he knew how badly Hisoka wanted him. 

****

“What must I do to make you believe I am ready?” Illumi asked, watching him closely. He caught Hisoka’s hand as he pulled away and held it against the crease of his hip.

****

“Stop trying to force yourself.”

****

Illumi sat up beside him. “Is it not normal for one to show anticipation before sexual experiences?”

****

Hisoka rolled his eyes. Is that what Illumi thought he was feeling?  “Anticipation would be fine. You’re body is screaming that you’re terrified.”

****

Illumi blinked. “I am not terrified. While you are quite skilled as an opponent, you are neither terrifying nor do you wish to fight me right now. There is nothing for me to be terrified of.”

****

“Illumi, while I would take great pleasure in fighting you for real, the pleasure I would take in fucking you depends on you wanting to be fucked.”

****

Hisoka had tried explaining this to Illumi several times now. He had listened to the other say all the right things. ‘I am ready for you to fuck me.’ ‘I want you to fuck me.’ ‘How would you like to fuck me.’ ‘What would you like me to do.’ Illumi had been trained very well. Unfortunately for him, Hisoka knew all the tricks. 

****

Illumi turned his head from the magician. Hisoka ran his hands through the long black strands, never tiring of how silky they were. Perfect, despite how damaged the psyche underneath was. 

****

His porcelain doll was broken. 

****

Illumi allowed Hisoka to play with his hair, swishing it into sub-strands and then pulling it all back together, while they sat together on Illumi’s bed. Hisoka had become so familiar with the assassin’s body that he could tell from the set of his shoulders that Illumi was analyzing the last half hour, looking for what he’d done wrong and how to fix it for next time. 

****

Illumi was getting better at hiding how much he loathed being touched intimately. Hisoka had to be very careful and very watchful for those little telltale signs that the scars from his ‘clients’ persisted. However, trying to trick the magician at his own game was absurd. 

****

It helped that he had a counterexample of what Illumi did like: Hisoka playing with his hair. 

****

“I do not understand,” Illumi said, suddenly. 

****

Hisoka continued combing, but rested his chin on Illumi’s shoulder. “What don’t you understand?”

****

“You have told me repeatedly that I have been raped by my clients. I do not understand how that is different from what you do.”

****

Hisoka’s hands froze. “Illumi, explain.”

****

Illumi didn’t turn to face him. 

****

“My clients hire me to kill their targets. In cases where assassination is required to prove their strength, they compound their show of force by fucking the assassin they hire.”

****

Hisoka had to actively not dig his sharp nails into Illumi’s back. That belief system was fucked up in multiple ways, but he was most concerned with the fact that it was present tense. 

****

“Are you not using me to fulfill your desire to prove you are strong by defeating me? Additionally, is not your desire to fuck me merely a desire for strong sexual partner? Is their desire to fuck me any different from yours?” 

****

Hisoka had two choices. He could kill Illumi right now in anger. Or he could take his clothes, leave through the window, and kill anything that got in his way from here to eternity. 

****

He chose the latter. 

****

Was there any difference? But of course there was. Hisoka knew the difference. He had seen it. And Illumi thought he was like that common rabble?

****

The magician had seen every possible way a human could be broken. He had broken them himself. He would break them again. Just like the eight people who were unfortunate enough to cross his path between Illumi’s window and the abandoned amusement park he haunted. He broke them apart quite quickly. 

****

But never like that. 

****

Hisoka slowed himself when he reached the carousel. He launched a single punch at the white mare with golden tack, shattering it into dust. 

****

Illumi had seemed to be improving, but if he still couldn’t see the difference between what Hisoka wanted from him and what the others wanted, then Hisoka had overestimated his progress. He should not have let the assassin undress today. 

****

Hisoka climbed onto the black stallion. 

****

Illumi continued to believed those caitiffs had the right to fuck him. That meant, Illumi’s clients were still a problem. Hisoka would need to recheck Illumi’s current clientele, and possibly make some adjustments. 

****

But not yet.

****

He must calm it first. Innocent or not, right now, anyone who had ever even looked upon his porcelain doll was in danger of Hisoka’s wrath. Hisoka sat under the carousel for a long while. Calming the bloodlust. 

****

He considered directing his anger towards Illumi, but found it consumed by the ever raging inferno of lust and desire. How the assassin had looked today. Naked, lying on the bed. Waiting for Hisoka to stretch his hole before sliding inside of him. Hisoka was not angry with the assassin because he was so very worth the trouble. 

****

It had been so exciting, back when he’d first found the assassin. Strong and beautiful, even as a child. Hisoka had taken to sparring with the other boy, never crossing the line of true violence, because Illumi never stopped improving. Sometimes the jumps in skill were marginal, sometimes surprisingly large, but Illumi was always better the next time. 

****

At some point, Hisoka had become just as fascinated by watching him dance as he had looked forward to killing him one day. It would be a long time before Illumi was ready to die by Hisoka’s hands, so he had let himself become attached to the dark eyes and the dark hair. After years of watching Illumi’s grace and power, he came to desire breaking Illumi in different ways.

****

Hisoka had been furious when he’d discovered that his doll had been broken long before he’d ever found him. Broken and shattered. In all the wrong ways. 

****

Had Hisoka had his way, he would have had Illumi pinned under him, immovable mask cast aside, as he begged for Hisoka’s cock, driven to madness entirely by desire. And Hisoka, equally driven by lust and admiration for the assassin, would have given it to him. 

****

This cheap imitation those plebeians had taught him was disgusting by comparison. Hisoka wanted the real thing. 

****

He wanted Illumi to want to be fucked by him. And he wanted Illumi to want to fuck him too.  He wanted to find out just how strong the assassin could be when governed by the most primitive wants. And then he wanted to hold him after, to see the beautiful broken mess they both would be after having fought each other beneath the sheets.

****

But Illumi had no idea how to even begin that fight. His ‘training’ had taught him to offer whatever Hisoka wanted; but by doing so, he had lost before they’d even started. 

****

Illumi was broken.

****

But so was he strong. Perhaps that was why Hisoka stayed. Illumi was strong because he was broken… So often it was the opposite. So often. The black stallion beneath him felt claw marks in his flanks. 

****

Even so, Hisoka would find a way to repair his beautiful porcelain doll. And then break him the right way.

****

But it seemed Illumi saw him as no different from any of the other trash that had put their hands on him. Perhaps taking the liberty of touching him at all had been a mistake. Illumi had been broken repeatedly; it was difficult enough to repair the damage of breaking once.

****

Hisoka evaluated the best course of action. He would have to keep his distance for a while. Illumi was too seductive; even little things like kissing his nose were tempting. But the assassin was too rare a treasure to lose by rushing. Hisoka wasn’t sure if he was thinking of his plans to fight or fuck him, but regardless, Illumi would have to learn that what he wanted was different from that of the worthless masses before it happened. 

****

Hisoka would just have to find a way to distract himself in the meantime. 

 


	2. Guarding your secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hisoka tries to balance Illumi's conflicting needs.

Hisoka watched, hidden in an upstairs guestroom, as Illumi walked up the drive to the client’s home. 

****

It was impossible to surprise the assassin when there was intent to make contact, but Hisoka had found the minimum safe distance for neutral observation. Had he planned on attacking or even approaching Illumi, that distance would have increased sevenfold. However, staying in the guestroom, fully cloaked would allow him to monitor how this client treated his assassin. 

****

He had not spoken to or seen the the assassin in two weeks, cancelling their sparring sessions by simply not appearing. How Hisoka had occupied himself without the long, raven hair had been entirely unsatisfactory.

****

Lack of direct contact aside, Hisoka had tracked the assassin on his last six missions, ensuring that no one touched his treasure. 

****

The last five clients had simply wired payments when Illumi called to inform them the job was complete. But after this last mission, Hisoka had watched Illumi slowly nod to his phone, as if the caller could see it, and heard him state he would be there in four hours. 

****

There was no reason to pay an assassin in person. 

****

Hisoka had moved quickly to arrive at the house and plant himself near the soon to be dead man. Dead, if he so much as brushed Illumi’s hand. 

****

He heard Illumi enter the drawing room next door, where the client waited. Hisoka’s sharp ears picked up the muffled conversation. 

****

“You came quite highly recommended, and I must say, you do not disappoint.”

****

Hisoka couldn’t quite make out Illumi’s response. He shifted closer to the wall. 

****

“Here, I would be most pleased if you would wear this, I think it would compliment those beautiful eyes. You’re so perfect.”

****

Hisoka felt his blood boil, recognizing the same words he himself had said to Illumi.

****

He allowed a card to appear between his fingers. Before he could throw it through the plaster separating him from his newest kill, he heard Illumi speak. 

****

“I must respectfully decline.”

****

There was a long silence on both sides of the wall. 

****

“Oh, that's disappointing. And why might I ask? Your recommendation suggested that you were the best at what you do. It appears my friend was mistaken.”

****

Hisoka snarled, silently. 

****

He recognized that forked tongue. He thought he’d slaughtered it a long time ago, but apparently it had found a new host. Illumi had no defense against this kind of attack; those words could poison him, spreading throughout his being, immune to his immunity, and pollute all Hisoka’s painstaking effort. 

****

But his assassin was speaking again. 

****

“An associate of mine has required that I limit my service for the time being. However, it is possible the restriction will be lifted in the future, if the associate terminates the relationship.”

****

Hisoka was both livid and pleased. Illumi should have been ripping the devil’s throat out, but that admirable strength Hisoka loved so much shown through, in his refusal to be taken. 

****

Broken. But strong. 

****

It vexed Hisoka, though, how conditional Illumi’s resolve seemed to be. The fiend couldn't tell, and it was likely Illumi himself couldn't either, but Hisoka recognized the desperation in those last six words. 

****

Perhaps avoiding his assassin had been a mistake. 

****

“Your payment is on the desk,” the man snapped, no longer bothering to be polite. “When this associate grows tired of you, as I'm sure he will, I will consider engaging your services again. But not before.”

****

Hisoka heard Illumi leave the room and descend down the stairs. He waited until Illumi’s car disappeared from the drive before walking next door.

****

The snake looked up, surprised.

****

“Perhaps you'd like to play with me instead,” Hisoka purred.

****

It pleased him greatly that even devils had learned to fear him. But common vermin like this were not worth much of Hisoka’s time, so he concluded his business quickly. Therefore, he arrived at the Illumi’s window not long after Illumi returned himself. 

****

The assassin was sitting at his desk cleaning his equipment with a soft cloth. He didn't react when Hisoka came up behind him. The magician reached down to comb a loose strand of hair behind his ear. 

****

Illumi flinched. 

****

Hisoka froze, letting his hand fall back to his side. Except for the first few times, when he thought it was a nonverbal call for sex, Illumi had never reacted poorly to Hisoka touching his hair. 

****

Something was wrong.

****

“We did not have a sparring session scheduled today. Why are you here?”

****

Illumi hadn't looked up from cleaning the pins. If Hisoka hadn't overheard the conversation before, he would have assumed Illumi did not want him here at all. He might have even left. 

****

“To see you.”

****

“You seem to have lost interest in continuing our arrangement. I would prefer not having my time wasted.”

****

Hisoka frowned, seeing clearly the damage those few choice words from the talking corpse had caused.

****

His doll was still broken. 

****

Hisoka knew how difficult it was going to be to fix this. He very slowly reached out a hand to stroke Illumi’s cheek. Illumi didn’t jerk away, but he also didn’t lean into it. 

****

“I have not lost interest,” Hisoka said. 

****

“Then why have you failed to show up for the last two weeks?”

****

“You needed space.”

****

Illumi looked up at him, a small look of confusion in his wide eyes. It was an adorable look on so dangerous a man. Hisoka reminded himself that he needed to move slowly. 

****

Hisoka took a risk and stroked Illumi’s hair again. 

****

Illumi allowed it, but Hisoka could tell he didn’t want it. The magician let his hand fall back to his side and he backed up several paces to sit on the window sill. Illumi’s eyes widened a bit further. And Hisoka’s eyes narrowed. 

****

Illumi didn’t want him here, but neither did he want him not here. Which would be better for picking up the pieces?

****

“Would you like me to leave?”

****

Hisoka watched Illumi think about it. He gripped the edges of the window tightly. 

****

“No. I would prefer it if you stayed.”

****

Hisoka nodded and moved to sit on the bed. He shuffled his cards as Illumi finished his post-mission cleanup. After a bit, the assassin stood.

****

“I am going to shower. I…”

****

Hisoka looked up, curious at the hesitation.

****

“I would like you to join me.”

****

Hisoka stood slowly, and moved to stand in front of the assassin. Illumi’s eyes stayed locked with his. Hisoka reached a hand up to slowly card through the waterfall of black hair. This time Illumi leaned into it. 

****

Hisoka nodded. 

****

This would be interesting. 

 


	3. Pushing the boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hisoka makes a mistake when handling his porcelain doll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic scene, with some non-consensual elements. Please proceed with caution.

He followed Illumi into the bathroom and waited for Illumi to undress himself first. The assassin had hesitated, making sure that Hisoka wasn’t displeased with him removing his own clothing. That pause made Hisoka want to reconsider the whole thing. 

****

The entire point was that he wanted Illumi to want to take his clothes off. Not to take them off because Hisoka wanted it. Those thoughts used many of the same words, but were completely different. 

****

Hisoka was going to have to be very careful with how the next hour proceded. Fortunately, he was always up for a challenge. Unfortunately, if he fucked up, his doll might break irreparably. 

****

Hisoka moved slowly, removing his shirts and pants. They had seen each other naked before, though never productively. The stood and stared at each other for a brief moment. 

****

Hisoka knew Illumi was doing this because he felt he had lost something when Hisoka disappeared for a fortnight, and wanted to reestablish some modicum of control in the relationship. That was fair. When they sparred they were on equal footing. 

****

Illumi leaned over to turn on the water, and then slowly stepped into the shower, backing up to the far wall and leaving space for Hisoka to join him. 

****

Hisoka slid into the shower, closing the door behind him. They faced each other, separated by the stream of water. When it was fully warm, Hisoka reached out and tugged Illumi’s hand, so he stepped forward into it. He reached his other hand up to comb Illumi’s hair, allowing the water to soak in. 

****

Illumi let him, tilting his head back into the water, closing his eyes, and Hisoka felt himself go hard. He couldn’t help it as he watched the assassin lean into the water, his smooth jaw tilted up and warm trickles creating trails over his chest. 

****

Hisoka had known this would be a challenge. 

****

He slid behind Illumi, so the other wouldn’t notice his erection. He pushed gently on Illumi’s shoulders to make him step forward slightly, so the water hit lower on his back. Hisoka reached around him, being very careful not to let their bodies touch, and took the shampoo. 

****

He began combing into Illumi’s soaking hair. He rubbed it into the black curtain, scooping the heavy mass off of Illumi’s neck and pulling his fingers through it. He worked upwards, towards the roots. He allowed himself to massage Illumi’s scalp, but touched no other part of the assassin’s body. When he was done, he stepped back and lightly pulled on the assassin’s shoulders to bring him back into the water. 

****

While Illumi lifted his hands and tilted his head to wash the soap from his hair, Hisoka quickly stroked himself off. It didn’t take much, as aroused as he was by the sight of the assassin’s body in the warm water. He let his white cum blend into the soap bubbles and disappear down the drain. Illumi’s eyes were still closed as he washed the remaining shampoo from his hair. 

  
When he turned to face Hisoka, the magician was able to reach up and stroke his cheek, once more in control of his rampant lust for the other man. Illumi leaned into the touch. 

****

Hisoka could tell the assassin wanted the physical contact, that his resistance earlier had been from unacknowledged fear of the rejection he had felt at Hisoka’s absence. But physical contact was exactly what Illumi didn’t need forced on him, while Hisoka repaired the damage his rapists had done. 

****

It was a guessing game. How far was the other really ready to go?

****

The water was angled to splash Illumi’s chest, and rebounded off of the assassin to hit Hisoka. Illumi pulled him forward, so this time Hisoka stood under the water. The water hit the back of his neck and rolled down his chest. 

****

Illumi reached a hand around behind his hair. Hisoka stood very still. The assassin brought back a handful of water in his cupped hand and splashed it against Hisoka’s cheek. Hisoka grinned. Illumi wanted to see him without his make up. 

****

He let the assassin step closer and tilt his head this way and that as he removed the blue tear drop from his left cheek, and the gold star from his right. Along the way, Hisoka’s hair became wet and fell so it was slicked down around his neck. Illumi reached behind him to grab the shampoo and return the favor of washing Hisoka’s hair. 

****

When he was done, Illumi lathered a cloth with soap, and moved to wash Hisoka’s body. Hisoka caught his wrists, but didn’t push him away. He looked at the other very carefully, simultaneously checking the pulse under his grip on Illumi’s wrist. 

****

Illumi seemed tranquil, so he released his hold and allowed the other to scrub his shoulders, then chest and stomach. Illumi turned him before going lower, washing his back, then scrubbing down to the magician’s ass. Illumi didn’t hesitate and clean both cheeks and between, then slid the cloth down both Hisoka’s legs.

****

Hisoka had to force himself not to become aroused again, when Illumi slid around in front and gently cupped his cock and balls with the cloth. He forced himself to focus on the rough texture. 

****

He succeeded in not reacting to the assassin, letting Illumi finish his chaste cleansing of the magician’s body, and when Illumi straightened, Hisoka took the cloth and reapplied soap. He washed Illumi the same way, making sure to neither linger on nor avoid touching him the intimate way he wanted to. 

****

They were both covered in soapy lather, and spent a good amount of time turning around each other under the shower. When they were both rinsed, Hisoka reached to turn the water off. Illumi stopped him. The magician looked back at the assassin, but Illumi leaned in to kiss him. 

****

They had kissed before, usually after sparring, but Hisoka had always ensured that they were clothed and had always ended it before it progressed too far. Now however, Illumi’s hands cupped Hisoka’s face, not letting him pull away. Hisoka kissed back, but kept careful distance between their bodies, resting his hands just below Illumi’s ribs. 

****

Illumi’s tongue darted along Hisoka’s lip and Hisoka opened his mouth to the assassin. They were crossing into dangerous territory, as Illumi’s kiss was pulling Hisoka nearer to the edge of his control. He let Illumi explore his mouth, until Illumi pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and gently bit down. In response, Hisoka plunged forward, tongue cleverly twisting around Illumi’s and sliding back into the assassin’s mouth. 

****

The slight moan of surprise from the raven haired man pushed Hisoka over the edge.

****

And suddenly Illumi’s back was against the wall, as HIsoka caged him in and attacked his mouth. Hisoka’s nails dug into to Illumi’s sides, and his tongue covered every corner of Illumi’s open mouth. 

****

The careful distance Hisoka had kept between them disappeared. 

****

The other hadn’t said no and he wanted Illumi so very much. His cock jerked erect between them, and he pressed himself against the younger man, feeling the entire length of the assassin against his body. His hands slid down and around Illumi to cup his ass, spreading the cheeks and pulling Illumi’s groin against his own as he thrust against him. It was perfect.

****

Illumi was so perfect. Just like the devil this afternoon had said. Hearing himself think as the client had spoke, Hisoka caught himself and abruptly released Illumi to spin away. 

****

In his furious passion, he hadn’t noticed how Illumi had stilled under the sudden carnal assault. Looking back over the last few moments, Hisoka understood how the other had immediately shut down. Becoming the compliant, living sex toy the demons wanted him to be, the moment Hisoka had lost control. 

****

He stood there, for a long minute, calming his breathing, and straining to hear any response from the assassin behind him. 

****

Hisoka didn’t look back as he stepped out of the shower. He grabbed a towel, and offered it back to Illumi. He felt him take it, but then move to dry Hisoka’s shoulders off. Hisoka jerked away and shook his head without looking up. He reached down for his clothes and stepped out of the bathroom to redress himself. 

****

He could not afford to lose control with Illumi. Not yet. 

****

Hisoka was unsure how the other would respond to being sexually assaulted after having trusted the magician to bathe with him. It was possible Illumi would recategorize Hisoka as any other client, and request he stay out of duty to their inferred contract. It was also possible that leaving might allow Illumi room to break beyond Hisoka’s ability to repair him. 

****

Hisoka positioned himself on the window sill, half in and half out, and waited to see if he could fix his precious, rare doll. Or if the damage had been done.  

 


	4. Digging up the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Illumi wants is what Hisoka wants, but for all the wrong reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat graphic scene, please be warned.

Illumi returned to the room several minutes after Hisoka, wrapped in the towel. He glanced at the magician on the window, but moved to the wardrobe. Hisoka watched as the assassin pulled the towel from his waist and combed through the drawers for sleep attire.

****

Hisoka watched the strong muscles glide under the pale skin. He was very tempted to leave the sill and run his hands over Illumi’s back to feel the lean tissue that hid so much power. Perhaps the assassin would allow him to massage him. 

****

Again, too dangerous right now. 

****

Especially after losing control in the shower. 

****

Hisoka watched Illumi carefully for any behavior that indicated he should leave. 

****

When Illumi was dressed, he moved to sit on his bed and raised his gaze to meet Hisoka’s. Hisoka hadn’t noticed it, but Illumi had brought the brush with him from the bathroom, and now sat with it in his lap, waiting to see if Hisoka would brush his hair like normal. 

****

Hisoka moved off the sill, and walked around to slide behind Illumi. He took the brush and gently began combing. This close to the assassin he could see the tension in his body. 

****

“Will you stay?” Illumi asked, quietly.

****

“Do you want me to stay?”

****

“Yes.”

****

“Then I will stay.”

****

Illumi turned and took the brush from his hand to lay them down on their sides facing each other. 

****

“Hisoka, I want you to touch me.”

****

“You’re…”

****

“I am not lying,” the assassin snapped. 

****

Hisoka eyed him, surprised by the sudden fire. But there were still goosebumps down Illumi’s arm. He reached out to stroke the smooth cheek, one of the few safe actions he could take. 

****

“Maybe not. But you also do not want me to touch you.” Hisoka paused. “Touching you as I did before was a mistake.”

****

Hisoka cut off there because of the words that had just left his mouth. He had never in his life admitted to making mistake, much less apologized for it. He felt a rush of exhilaration that his assassin was talented enough to manipulate him into doing so. 

****

Illumi reached up and caught his hand and dragged it down so it lay flat against his stomach. 

****

“Hisoka, touch me.”

****

“No. Not yet.”

****

Illumi pushed the hand on his stomach around to rest on his hip and scooted closer to the him. 

****

“Touch me.”

****

“No.”

****

Illumi didn’t ask again. Instead he kissed Hisoka for the second time that day. Hisoka let him, not resisting as Illumi rolled him onto his back and pressed down on top of him. He would have dearly loved to rake his nails down the fabric separating their bodies, but the shower incident discouraged him from even risking wrapping his arms around the beautiful man on top of him.  

****

Instead, Hisoka allowed Illumi to touch him. 

****

Illumi pushed his arms above his head, and reached down to tug Hisoka’s shirt up and over his head. The black hair slid down to make a cold, damp curtain around them. Illumi kissed his jaw and moved down, kissing a line down to his chest. Hisoka’s breath was labored, he didn’t want to stop Illumi. Rather, he would quite like to push Illumi down lower, and slip his cock into that perfect mouth. 

****

But not yet. 

****

He caught Illumi’s chin and brought the pale lips back up to meet his own, simultaneously preventing Illumi from prostituting himself or feeling rejected. Hisoka rolled so they were once again on their sides, but this time pressed against each other, with Illumi’s head resting on one arm and the other circled tightly around his waist. 

****

Hisoka felt small tremor in the assassin’s back, beneath his hand, and broke the kiss to visually assess how his doll was enduring. 

****

Quite well. But also extremely poorly. 

****

Illumi’s cock was half hard against his inner hip, and that seemed to be the source of the assassin’s sudden distress. He tried to hide it by kissing Hisoka again, masking his discomfort with renewed sexual vigor, but Hisoka caught his cheek and held him, gold eyes watching the black. 

****

Illumi immediately stilled, and let Hisoka, stroke his cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. 

****

“Why did you stop?” asked Illumi.

****

“You were pushing yourself too fast.”

****

Illumi’s brows furrowed, disagreeing, but Hisoka wasn’t going to let him out of this one. 

****

“You became aroused, and it caused you to become afraid. You then tried to push through your fear by forcing yourself to keep going. You do not have to coerce yourself to do as you believe I would wish you to.”

****

“But you wish for sex.”

****

Hisoka frowned. The consequences of that accident in the shower were showing. “Yes, but even still.”

****

Illumi lowered his eyes, quietly internalizing the mistake, adding it to his list of errors to not repeat. Hisoka would have been unsurprised if Illumi had indexed and sorted it. He chose to distract the assassin. 

****

“Why did you panic?”

****

Illumi’s eyes snapped back up. Hisoka knew he immediately understood what Hisoka wanted to know, but didn’t want to say it. This was a critical piece of Illumi’s brokenness, and Hisoka needed to see just how jagged the edges were. But illumi had closed himself off; he would need to trick the assassin into telling him. That would be fair turnabout for manipulating Hisoka into apologizing earlier. 

****

“Perhaps you should tell me what I did wrong?” Hisoka asked.

****

He masked the triumph he felt as Illumi’s eyes widened slightly. From Illumi’s twisted viewpoint, the client never did anything wrong, so Hisoka’s question had an obvious answer. But Illumi also knew that Hisoka would consider that answer incorrect. It was the perfect trap to force Illumi to reveal whatever he was hiding. 

****

“You did nothing wrong.” Hisoka’s eyes narrowed, but Illumi took a breath and continued. “It was uncommon. The few times I became hard, in the presence of clients, it was unpleasant.”

****

“Tell me.”

****

Illumi looked at him, with his usual perfect mask. Hisoka didn’t buy it. He waited until Illumi looked down and began to speak. 

****

“Usually, the clients fucked me and then were done. But there were a few, who liked to see me cum. They would kiss me, expecting me to become aroused. If I did not, they would stroke me until I did. They would proceed as normal then, fucking me and jerking me off until we both came. Other’s just wanted me hard while they took me. They either requested that I masterbate for them or employed assorted toys to keep me aroused.”

****

Hisoka was angry, but he hid it. It was a major barrier if Illumi had been conditioned to dislike his own pleasure. He combed his finger through the black hair, letting Illumi know that it was alright to be done for the night. But after a while, Illumi broke the silence.

****

“Will you touch me?”

****

Hisoka started. Illumi sounded exactly as he always did, hiding the fear so deep he didn’t know he was feeling it. But underneath that, this time, there was also… curiosity? Hisoka hesitated. 

****

“Why are you pushing yourself right now?”

****

“You have told me that I should enjoy sex. I want to know if letting you touch me is pleasurable.”

****

Hisoka would have to give Illumi credit for most awkward request for a handjob he had ever heard. But the assassin was asking in curiosity, which was a great step up from subservience. 

****

“Very well, but you need to tell me if you wish me to stop at any point. If you feel uncomfortable, then the experience is not pleasurable and you have your answer. There would be no need to continue.”

****

Illumi nodded. Hisoka watched him carefully.

****

He reached down slowly, and slid his arm under Illumi’s ass to pull him higher on the bed. He moved his hands to the hem of Illumi’s pants and slid the fabric down to the assassin’s thighs. There was a slight shiver from the younger man as the cold air hit his skin, but he nodded for Hisoka to continue. 

****

The magician pulled him close with the arm he still had around his waist and kissed him lightly, keeping their eyes locked. With his other hand he slid down to brush his fingers over the length of Illumi’s cock. Illumi jerked but he caught Hisoka’s wrist before he could pull away. Sometimes Hisoka forgot how strong this broken doll was. 

****

“Don’t stop,” the assassin whispered into his mouth. 

****

Hisoka nodded, and slipped his fingers around the length and began gently stroking the smooth skin. Illumi released his wrist and just stared at the golden eyes across from him. 

****

Hisoka felt the muscle beneath his hands swell, and he moved a little faster. Other than the motion of his right hand, smoothing up and around Illumi’s erection, there was absolute stillness in the room. 

****

Hisoka sped up just a little more, letting his thumb tease the sensitive head. In response Illumi instinctively thrust his hips, just a bit, but immediately froze, wondering if he’d erred. Hisoka slowed down, and nodded at him to let him know that was alright. 

****

The tip of Illumi’s cock was leaking precum now, and Hisoka resumed the faster pace. Illumi’s hips rocked minutely with the building pleasure. Hisoka felt the cock start to twitch and he knew Illumi had to be getting close, He squeezed a little firmer and felt the telltale pulse of a building orgasm. 

****

Illumi’s mouth opened to pull in breaths in small pants. 

****

Hisoka was incredibly turned on himself, but he desperately wanted to see the face the assassin would make when he came.

****

Illumi’s breath came a little faster. Suddenly he stilled.

****

“Stop. Please stop.”

****

Hisoka, loathe as he was to do so, stopped. He moved to retract his hand from around Illumi, but Illumi’s seized his wrist held him still. The assassin didn’t meet his eyes, but he was shaking. His head tossed in small jerks as he fought back the orgasm. 

****

“Illumi, let go, I won’t touch you anymore,” Hisoka whispered. 

****

“No, I…” Illumi was struggling, torn between his body’s needing to finish and his conditioning that his climax was not for his own pleasure. “Please, let me finish.”

****

It was a strange request, as that had been the idea from the beginning. Hisoka’s eyes narrowed as he realized how ugly the monsters had made this experience for Illumi. 

****

“Use me then,” Hisoka told him. Illumi’s eyes flashed open. Hisoka watched his meaning register in the dark eyes. 

****

Illumi gripped Hisoka’s wrist and thrust into the magician’s immobile hand for real this time. He had been very close before, and Hisoka’s firm grip was now something the assassin controlled. Hisoka felt the orgasm build again. He tightened his grip ever so slightly A small whine escaped the assassin’s throat as he reached the edge. 

****

When he came, Illumi’s eyes squeezed closed, lips parted, and head bowed as the orgasm tore through him, making him curl into himself. Hisoka felt every muscle lock, the member beneath his hand hot and swollen. The white cum spurted out in long ribbons, landing on Hisoka’s bare stomach. When he felt the assassin’s hand tug uncoordinatedly on his wrist, Hisoka gently pumped the remaining few pulses of cum from Illumi’s cock, feeling it spill warm and slick down his hand. 

****

The assassin lay there gasping. Hisoka felt immense satisfaction. This was the way that Illumi was meant to be broken. 

****

He reached a finger down to pull Illumi’s chin back up to check his condition. Illumi stared up at him. Hisoka silently asked him if he was alright. Illumi nodded. 

****

“I need to go clean up. I will be right back.”

****

Hisoka quickly slid out the bed and reclaimed his shirt to wipe away the cooling semen. 

****

“You may borrow some of my clothing,” the assassin said behind him. 

****

Hisoka smiled, recognizing the post-orgasm exhaustion in the usually monotonous voice. He didn’t take the offer, but laid back down facing the assassin. He stroked the silky hair. Illumi opened sleepy eyes to look at the magician. 

****

“Did you enjoy yourself?” the assassin asked, and Hisoka’s stomach dropped. 

****

His hand moved to cup Illumi’s cheek.

****

“Illumi, tell me you did not ask me to jack you off because you thought it was what I wanted.”

****

Illumi reached up a hand to mirror Hisoka’s touch and stroked his thumb against the unpainted cheek. 

****

“Hisoka, our arrangement is mutually beneficial. You wish to fuck me. I do not object.” 

****

Hisoka closed his eyes and opened them slowly. He slid his hand away from Illumi’s cheek, but leaned in to gently kiss the assassin once and then pulled back.

****

“Illumi, not objecting is not enough.” He sat up. “I’m going to leave. I will not let you trick me into fucking you when you do not want it. When you require my assistance for a mission, you may call me.”

****

Hisoka stood moved to the window. He cast one glance back at Illumi, now sitting on the bed, with his head tilted in confusion. He met the onyx eyes and shook his head. He leapt out into the night. 

****

Hisoka had never been good at fixing things. He was so much better at breaking them. Perhaps Illumi couldn’t be fixed. Perhaps he was forever broken. 

****

Just like Hisoka. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am less displeased with how this part of the series turned out, after having done what for me is an editing overhaul. 
> 
> I want to do a third part, and it will switch back to Illumi's perspective. 
> 
> To everyone who has been so fantastically supportive, and thank you for not letting me give up on it. I hope I don't disappoint you all in the third part.


End file.
